Five Years Gone Update
Journal Entry: Mon Mar 31, 2008, 7:32 PM
- Mood:
Unhappy
I want to thank all of you personally, which is something I'd normally do, but I just can't right now, so please accept the group speech as a personal thanks. You guys all mean the world to me. I have no idea where I'd be without my dear friends.
As of right now, my boyfriend says he wants to stay together. I kind of want to try, too, but I'm just not sure it's gonna work. Things just feel so changed, now, and there are so many issues to work through... He's dumped me now four times in five years, and I just wonder how many times he has to break my heart before I learn to stop getting burned. I'm worried the only reason we stay together sometimes is because we're just too afraid to be apart. Honestly, I'm scared to death of either outcome. I'm scared to stay with him, and I'm scared to break up with him. This situation just sucks, but I have to do a lot of introspective work. And it really wasn't all his fault, everyone. It was just a culmination of things he'd been keeping inside, and... It's a lot to get into, and also a little too personal. Sorry for the brief and vague status, but I just can't get into it.
Anyway, thanks again, everyone, for all your support and kind words. They mean so much to me and I love you all. I really, really do!
Devious Comments
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That's Mama Luigi to you, Mario! XD
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Chinese definition of insanity: Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.
Programmer's definition of insanity: Doing the same thing over and over and getting different results.
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That's Mama Luigi to you, Mario! XD
this whole situation sounds like a real mind f**k.
And I wish I could offer you some advice, but I don't know what your personal life with him is like...so I'm really sorry I can't help show you which road to go down. Just that, in the end, your happiness should be the number one priority.
please take care Cheska! My thoughts are with you.
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Can we please watch the "Swin Pronzs"?
"Fuck me, I love Keats. There once was a young woman from Ealing, Who had a particular feeling. She lay on her back, And opened her crack, And pissed all over the ceiling!" ~ Daniel Cleaver
The first time in my life yesterday, I had a panic attack. The only reason I knew it was a panic attack is because anxiety disorders run in my family and my dad used toget them. It matched what he described perfectly. It was almost like when I had that allergic reaction at that restaurant. I started getting lightheaded, and it felt like I couldn't breathe or get enough air... pulse racing. I was scared I might be dying, but I just kept reassuring myself it was only a panic attack, and when I got home, I researched the symptoms. They matched, and then it subsided.
Honestly, the past week, I've been in really bad shape. My anxiety has been up, along with my blood pressure, and I haven't been able to eat or sleep almost at all. I've lost almost 5 pounds the last week alone just because I can't seem to eat. I hate being unhealthy. Unfortunately, I think it's taking its toll on my immune system and I've come down with something awful. I'm terribly congested, I have a really sore throat, and I keep coughing, which hurts a lot. There's some sort of sickness going on. I hope I can get in to see the doctor today. I want to take care of myself, but sometimes I just can't. I know I only got sick because of the way the week has been on my body and mind.
Thanks for being here, Ruthie. You are one of my best friends on the planet.
--
Chinese definition of insanity: Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.
Programmer's definition of insanity: Doing the same thing over and over and getting different results.
--
Chinese definition of insanity: Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.
Programmer's definition of insanity: Doing the same thing over and over and getting different results.
That's terrible about the panic attack. Do you mind if I ask where you had the panic attack? I hope it didn't happen in a place which would have been hazardous. I wish I could organize your daily life, and although I can't, I pray that you don't get overworked or anything. Anything that can keep the stress down.
And eating and sleeping...I don't know what to recommend. Just that you get a good dosage of each. You need both to function, and you're probably the healthiest person I know, so this must be awful for you.
Please take care, did you get to go to the doctor??
You're such an amazing friend too Ches~! I think it's so cool that you are one of my most greatest friends, even though we havn't met in reality. :3
On a totally different note, I've been watching this film on YouTube recently, it's a Russian film of "The Little Mermaid". And ya know how much we
Anyway, this is a music video someone did, but I gotta warn you, it's very sad, with a sad song. So please don't watch it if it makes you sad, ok??
Take care Cheska and please keep us updated on how you are. We're all worried about you~~ :S
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Can we please watch the "Swin Pronzs"?
"Fuck me, I love Keats. There once was a young woman from Ealing, Who had a particular feeling. She lay on her back, And opened her crack, And pissed all over the ceiling!" ~ Daniel Cleaver
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