The cat in this journal entry is the same cat I talked about a year ago in this journal entry: [link]

Update below.

So, some of you know I've been feeding a stray cat for the past year or so. It started off with him running every time the door opened and evolved over much time and patience to him staying right there on the porch and even letting me pet his head while he ate (if I did it slowly and not too much).

A week or so ago, he came up and his whole right cheek was swollen the biggest I've ever seen something swell. It was about half the size of his whole head. Anyway, he came back again a few days later and I saw his cheek had popped and infection was spilling out.

Long story short, I finally ended up trapping him yesterday. It damn near broke my heart because it took a year to earn his trust and I felt so terrible betraying it like that. But it was for the best and it was so he could live a happier life. Anyway, I took him to the vet to get some antibiotics, which he did, and in a week, we shall return to test him for FIV and Leukemia (and if he's negative, he will be getting neutered).

He's been in the secondary bathroom (which is in the secondary bedroom), closed off from the rest of the house. He's calmed down a whole lot. After he got settled in a few hours, I went to check on him last night and his cheek was leaking all over the floor. When I went to wipe it, it was just thick, bright lemon yellow. I feel so terrible for that cat because he has been through so much. But at least he has antibiotics in his system now.

After I wiped the floor where he dribbled, I gently wiped his cheek where it was draining, and I went through about 3 or 4 different tissues before the drainage abated. As I was wiping, he looked at me much differently than he had before. I'm not sure how to describe it, but it seemed the fear was gone and it was replaced with only apprehension. But he definitely understood I was taking care of him after I tended to his cheek a while and his whole demeanor changed. Then he started eating again and took food from my hand.

When I fed him from my hand, I noticed something that just tore me up inside: all his teeth were gone. And I know that he had teeth not long ago because when he was outside, I fed him from my fingers once and he accidentally bit my fingers when trying to get the food and there were definitely teeth. It was about when I noticed his cheek being so infected that I noticed he was dropping food and having trouble eating (I've since switched him to wet, soft food).

I just wonder if his teeth really are gone, or if perhaps the gums are so swollen from the infection in his cheek that I just can't see or feel them. I'm really hoping his teeth aren't all gone, but I have a bad feeling they are. This poor baby only seems to be about 4 or 5 years old, too.

I've been hoping for the chance to take care of him for a long time, now, and I finally got it. If he will just let me, I promise he will never have to go cold or hungry ever again and his days of suffering are over. It just sucks because I feel like if I had gotten to him earlier, he would still have his teeth.


All in all, everything is going as well as can be expected. He is eating very well, which is a good sign. I'm such a sucker for felines...
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Update: I just got a call from the vet that says he is positive for leukemia, which leaves me no choice. I had to have him put down. I'm shocked and sad. I knew it was a possibility, but I tried to keep a positive outlook. I was waiting until I knew before I named him, so I never really did, but the name Mocha kept coming to mind because that's what I was drinking when I wrote the first journal. God, this sucks. I loved that cat.

I would wake up some nights unable to sleep around 3:00 AM and feel so lonely. Then I would look out the window and there he would be on the porch and I wouldn't feel so lonely any more. I am going to miss him so much. I loved him.

Last night, he got as close to me as he ever did before. He got in my lap on his own and purred for a while and let me pet him. He was so sweet and I loved him so much. And I didn't even get to say goodbye.

This morning, I had a nightmare he had a reaction to the anesthesia and died. Man, I had such a good feeling about this. I just knew he would come back clean and be okay. Now I'm worried my other cats may have gotten leukemia. We took extreme precautions, but you never know, especially with highly infectious diseases.

At least I was able to give him the last few days happy, and I made him purr. I also saved him from a horrible death. I imagine leukemia would not be a very pleasant way to go. And he was already anesthetized to be tested, so he was already out when he was let go. I would say that would be a pretty painless death. At least I was able to give him that. But he was such an angel and God, am I going to miss him. I know I gave him a better life than he would have had without me, but I just feel like, you know, the one person he finally trusts is the one who takes his life. And no matter how much better it is this way, there's no getting around that.

I don't even know if I want to post the photos I took of him a few nights ago, but you all should see the face of the angel I just lost. He had the prettiest fur and tail.






Goodbye, Mocha! I'm so sorry! I love and miss you dearly!


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