Funny Things in the English Language

Manual mood: humored and intrigued

I noticed a commercial advertising savings the other day.  The announcer said I could save 10% off windows and siding, while the text on-screen said I could save 10% on windows and siding.

That got me thinking, and I realized that those were not the only two opposites.  I found "and" and "but" were used much differently than their Russian equivalents.  "And" and "but" can be used interchangeably in certain situations:

I am going to the party, and he is staying home.
I am going to the party, but he is staying home.

This got me interested, because I love language, in searching funny things occurring in English.  I would love to give proper credit where credit is due, but unfortunately, all the sites that came up had the same set of funny things in English, so I have no idea who originally came up with these.  At any rate, enjoy the insanity!


There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France.

Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes,
we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing,
grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?

Or, one goose, 2 geese? So one moose, 2 meese?

One index, 2 indices?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?

Why do we ship by truck and send cargo by ship?

Or have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race(which, of course, isn't a race at all).

That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible,
but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

And despite all this, English is one of the most widely-spoken languages in the entire world.  Ah, English, how I love you!

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Keyword: crazy

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NEW POLL!

Which is the "right" way to hang toilet paper?

So that the next piece is hanging down in front of the roll, closest to the user.

So that the next piece is hanging down behind the roll, next to the wall.

I grew up with it hanging closest to the user, where you have to spin it toward you to get the next piece.  It always used to catch me off-guard when I would use the restroom at another person's house and they would have it hanging the other way, or when someone in my family didn't pay attention to the way they put the next roll on and put it on "backwards."  I think in public restrooms (although I don't know because I don't use public restrooms very often) the standard way is to hang it with the tissue facing the user as well, where applicable.  But some people prefer it hanging the other way, where you have to spin the roll away from you to get the next piece.  I just wondered what the general consensus was for my audience.

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